what i see if i look to my left.

i finally got over the fact that blog posts can only (or should) be written in a dim-lit, wooden laden, aromatic, cozy coffee shop with an attached instagram of the drink of choice. instead, i decided that sitting cross legged on the floor, trying to correctly position my expanding mid-section, and with my new puppy next to me, squeaking away on his chew toy, was just as acceptable of a setting as the aforementioned one. so, not being able to make it to a coffee shop nor longer constitutes as an excuse for not writing-- plus the smell of coffee makes me nauseous and where would i leave Mimo while i circle the internet in-between thoughts and writing.

my life does not permit the dim-lit coffee shop scenario and i don't think it will-- for some time at least. the question that remains is, "why was i trying to jam myself into that place?". have i seen it so many times on ______ (insert social media here) that i subconsciously made it a rule i had to live by? does a wooden table and a cup of joe make me words more valuable or more impactful?

__________     __________     ________     __________     ________     __________     _________


we've all heard that many times, sung it in worship, or written it in our journals, but than why do situations or expectations like the one i described above plague our everyday life??

if we are here, we want to be there. if we feel as though the Lord is calling us to go, we stay--or at least hesitate. if we are gifted in this, we try to do that. not all the time or in all things of course, most of the time we are sure of what we must do and by his the power of His Spirit we carry it through.
BUT what i think happens, is that in some area or space, or in some unresolved or unmet desire doubt creeps in and we let people, social media, or our own selves decide what we must do, or how we must do it.

i've known for sometime that in one way or another the Lord uses my writing, and as it pertains to writing, for almost two years i've done all i mentioned in the last paragraph. i've been there instead of here, i've hesitated, and i've doubted what He can do through writing.


how cleverly the enemy uses it and how easily we fall into it. yet, in the same way, how clearly the Lord has given us a way out of the trap.

so, what i ask of you all and what i require of myself, is that to not let those things out there including yourself/myself decide how, where, when i must do something, or what i must do. let only the Lord show you and go about it only as the Spirit guides you even when it looks unlike anything else you hear or see out there.

stop doubting how to do things, what you must do, and when to do them; have courage. once you hear...act. if you haven't heard... ask. walk in what you know with full assurance.

__________     __________     ________     __________     ________     __________     _________

maybe one day, i can make it back to Espresso, as i did in my college days, and stay there from 1pm 'til close, or maybe when i get that chance i'll end up doing something else instead. what i know i must do, is have courage to stand firm in who He says i am so that i can do what He has set out for me to do.

today, it meant hanging out with my two brothers, and then stringing these thoughts together into words.

what have He set you out to do? Have you done it?

I am learning and unlearning all at the same time. How gracious and merciful the LORD is to not only let me grow like this, but to encourage me to unlearn the cruelness and pain of bondage and to grasp with all my might the freedom He gives.

The beautiful unearthing that goes on in the learning/unlearning continuum with the LORD is determined by our willingness to obey and our intentions act. To respond differently is to have learned, or in some cases, to respond differently is to have unlearned. The difference can be minuscule or it can grand but there must be a difference.

Recently, I am discovering that courage is something that must I decide to have. Yes, I must will it, but at the same time, it is not something that I muster on my own; no. I decide to have it and trust fully, deeply, all the way into my bones, that the LORD will be my courage and my strength not because I deserve it or because I can, but because He said He would be. 

He will be my courage, and strength  defender, and shield because He said so, but also because He loves. And because I am His, He wants me to overcome; He bids me to overcome. I know and He knows that the enemy loves to leave me there at about half-way to a decision, right at fork in the road of a mental acknowledgement that leads to half-heartedness and actual heartfelt conviction that leads to obedience. It is there that I become my worst enemy. 

It takes courage to learn, and courage to unlearn. It take courage to love; it takes courage to obey; it takes courage to wait; it take courage to feel deeply; it takes courage to sacrifice; it takes courage to truly believe; and it takes courage to serve, all things that my mighty Father asks of me.

So, no, I will not stop half-way to anything, especially not courage. 

What are you learning/unlearning?