A Drunk & Some Thugs.
Today, I arose with such an urgency, an urgency that was unrelated to the early shift I picked up at work. I tried my best to bustle softly around my apartment, in hopes to preserve my roommates' sleep. I managed to scour my closet for a decent outfit, only to find that my favorite "dressy" sweater fits about a size too big. The gym should come with a with a warning label saying, "Caution: working out may cause you to spend lots of money on a new wardrobe". I finished getting ready just in time to ponder if I should walk or bike to work; my common sense said bike, but my soul said walk.
I tried to talk myself out of walking, but words or rationale was no weapon to the Lord asking me to walk, asking me to talk a walk with Him.
So, I threw on my columbia fleece and my backpack-- water bottle on one side pocket and tea in the other-- and I ventured out.
Yesterday, today held so much promise; it always does. Sitting here, in today, I can't say that I am disappointed with what the Lord has brought to me on this Sunday November 13, but in my few waking hours, it somehow felt too overwhelming to bare alone.
This is how yesterday went:
Four a.m. rolled around and this time it was accompanied by someone's fist viscously attacking my front door. As many times before, the noise was first part of my dream, until the pounding became too loud to stay in the haziness of dreams.
A disoriented guy was knocking on the front door for a good 30 min. He was claiming desperately that he lived there. He innocently shouted that he, "Just wanted to come in". It did not take long for this guy to make his way to my window. He knocked and pleaded with Jason to open the door. I didn't even know a Jason.He was persistently trying into his apt, not knowing that he was at the wrong one.
Three hours later, I not annoyed with him (not that I was then, i was just dazed and confused... who isn't at four a.m?). I am not mad at him for waking me up before my alarm rang. At this point, Im not even appalled that this happened at all.
My body tried its best to lull back to sleep, only to be awoken by a text at 4:40 a.m. reporting that there was a shooting at a Frat across the street from my work-- where I was headed to at 6 a.m.
I think I was supposed to feel fear or frustration, but I didn't. What I felt was hopelessness. I curled into a ball, hugging everything within reach and tightly closed my eyes.
What good is it when your sister is across campus, your parents are 230 miles north and the person who always protects you is ten time zones away? What happens when danger is at your door, and those who you've counted on all your life are absent?
What happens, is that the Lord's voice resounds and in His solemn roar proclaims, Yessenia, I AM here.
He saw me.
He heard my heart quiver in desperation.
He followed my mind when it searched comfort.
He came down.
He reminded me how it feels to be held
and
He held me tightly.
In the 70 minutes from the Crime-Alert to my alarm,
He held me. He stayed. He stood watch. He comforted. He protected.
So, when I was faced with biking or walking, I chose to walk.
I chose to walk, because the yearning to do so was so strong. I couldn't ignore that deep soul lifting request, "walk with Me".
After all that happened that night, after all He has done, when I arose, He still called for me.
I am astonished. The tears that currently roll down my face, are telling of the fact that I'm still not sure what to do with a Love like that.
I am unworthy of a Love like that, on so many levels and to so many degrees. Right there, in that moment, thats where I find beauty and worth and meaning, because that is where I find JESUS.
Blessed.
So, Jason's roommate, I hope you finally got into you apartment. Maybe you should learn your apt. number or carry a key with you.
Jason, I commend you for being a good friend if you always let your roommate knock on your window at the crack of dawn.
People at the Frat party across the street, don't count your safety from the bullets as luck. If you were looking for a sign to turn, well take the shooting as that.
It is 830 a.m. and today still holds so much promise. My friend is getting baptized in a few hours--God's sovereignty is all over that. I have the rest of the day to study for my exam, and the weather is just beautiful. I look out the window from the desk and between the rays of sunlight, I see the yellow police tape and the cop cars. When I go to my email or my phone, the Crime Alert taunts me, and, thats okay. Its okay, because I do not wish to hide from the reality of what is, because I know the Reality of who IS.
