The Paradox that is My Life

This is the paradox that is my life. It is where I have learned that when two extremes collide within me, nothing but beauty bursts forth.


I am running with all my strength unto the Lord, and at the same time He and I are walking hand in hand at a constant pace. I am living and walking in sweet communion with Him, and at that very moment, I am gasping for breath as I arrive at His feet.

I am weak and cannot inhale Life unless He allows me to, and at the same time, the power that conquered the grave shakes me to my very core. When I look to draw a breath, it becomes the most important thing--my greatest desire-- and all lesser pains fade away. It is then that the warmth of the very fire that is aflame in my bones arises.

A familiar combination of emotions constantly overwhelms my senses. Tears well up and spill over leaving a trail, and its not sadness, but it is, and its not joy, but it is. Joy and sadness confined in one body is difficult to understand, and it is a dense emotion to carry. Most of all, it demands to be felt.

Feeling joy and sorrow simultaneously is redemptive. I fail to put to words why that is so. Maybe it is because the joy is un-moveable, and the sorrow is valid. Maybe when two opposite truths stare each other in the face redemption oozes out. Maybe when sorrow trickles down from our King--the Man of Sorrows into the well of my Joy that is in Him, I am changed.

And maybe when the Lord looks down, He doesn't labyrinth of paradoxes that I need to straighten out. Maybe He sees beautifully intertwined truths, realities, emotions, and events. Maybe I am meant to feel everything all at once, or maybe I am supposed to sort it out and let Him redeem me through it. Maybe He means to teach me how to live hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Cor. 4:8). Maybe the paradoxes reveal more truth about God's greatness than they reveal about my inability to avoid contradiction.

Now I know that when paradoxes inconvenience me, I still have more to learn.


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