Nobody Told Me

I have absolutely been avoiding writing. That in itself is my motivation tonight.

Sometimes, we should do exactly what we avoid. That way we not only tackle the problem, but we wrestle and get messy with the reasons behind the lack of motivation or lack of time time, or, in my case, discover what we have been doing instead of doing what I was putting off.

If I had to pick an adjective to describe the last two weeks of my life, it'd be illuminating.

If I had to pick a noun to describe the last two weeks, it'd be Jesus Christ.

If I had to pick a verb to describe the last two weeks it'd be, make [known].

As a Junior at a major university, the future is always a topic. Recently, mine was a blur with a specks of clarity.

Graduate school? Graduate early? Graduate on time? Don't graduate at all? Live here? Live there?
Job there? Job here? Two jobs? One job? Home? Here? There? Nowhere?

Never have I felt like a true student. Never have I thought myself to be here just for an education. No, I do not think that is why I am here. I'm just passing through, doing the will of the LORD in this season, in this place. I just so happen to be enrolled at this university.

This past semester those questions above tried endlessly to swallow me up. They crashed down every so often whispering lies and telling tall tales. They tried to make me believe that I needed to continue down the path set before me by a curriculum. They flaunted prospective success in my face, and made me think I had no choice.

Because of this, I was in a mental battle with the LORD about my future. I was confused, and that is a understatement. I longed for clarity and revelation. I cried out for direction and guidance.

This is what I found.

No one ever told me that this world would try to make up my mind for me in every way. No one ever told me that society penetrates every single aspect of life if I am not careful. No one told me that the education system, although beneficial to some, can be a hinderance more than a blessing.

No one ever told me that my parents dream for a better life in America (instead of Mexico) could be so deceiving, crippling even. No one ever told me that the expectation of a degree could be so heavy. 
How come no one EVER TOLD ME?

In a stern but loving way, the LORD showed me this.

He spoke that His way is narrow. He warned that I must take no part in the world. He asked me to be in but not part of the world. He informed that the enemy was crouching at my door. Most importantly of all, He declared once again that he had a plan and purpose for my life.

The moment I was made new on that gritty Tennessee floor He spoke Life into me. In that instant, my life's course was changed. My new goal, my new purpose, my new passion began. Since that moment, my life's intention... to make His Name known through the mystery of His Gospel.

No degree needed, no training required, and no waiting involved.

PHEW, how great is that?

Do not get me wrong. I believe I am at UIUC for a reason, and so far it has been a great and growing experience, but I was NOT sent here for a diploma or for a career, and that is not what the reward I will claim when I am done. 

My studies here hold no sway over my future,  but the passions that developed here will. My love to see faces light up with Jesus' hope and truth will determine a way. My tenderness towards women that flourished here will be the compass for my future.


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